Four Fears on Friday!!!!

This post isn’t going to be filled with pictures but it is honest!  The most honest and open post I have ever written. 

Fear: I am not a good enough runner!  Numero Uno right here!  I always have the fear that I am not doing good enough!  Not only that but people I don’t know are judging me for it!  Crazy…I know!  I actually like having people there to cheer me on but I still feel almost embarrassed at times even if I do well.  I am just an average runner I know this but I have a hard time going to races with other people I know there.  Deep down this comes from me feeling as if I need to do well so I have something to be proud of.  I need to work on truly being proud no matter what the outcome.  Every run, every race has something to be proud of, good or bad!  Every runner has struggles.  Every runner has bad days.  This year I am going to do what I have to and make sure I am proud of myself no matter what!!  I don’t need to be good enough for you, my friends, or other competitors….I only need to be good enough for me!  So, I need to quit making excuses when my legs are on fire and I want to give up.  I can do it, I will do it!  I will be good enough for me!  Every run.  Every race!  

Fear: I am not a good enough friend!  I don’t have many real true friends that don’t work out/run.  Why?  I haven’t invested in those relationships around me in a long time.  I turned into kind of a, if you don’t work out you don’t exist kind of friend….not good!  I didn’t do this on purpose, it is just really hard to have a normal friendship with people that don’t work out.  I feel that when I talk about it they either one: make fun of me or two: don’t want to hear it.  I don’t need friends that won’t support me in all things, whether they are into it or not.  I mean, I don’t expect them to go run a marathon!  Just be happy that it makes me happy, not ridicule or completely change the subject.  I don’t drink and go out on the weekend so I can get in that long run!  Not a huge deal!  We can still have lunch right?  Nope…guess they don’t think so!  I tend to blame this on myself.  I have come to realize, it’s not my fault.  I have chosen to change the way I live my life.  I am happier and healthier now!  Just because I choose not to do certain things doesn’t mean I have changed as a person.  My priorities have changed a little that’s all.  True friends should be ok with that.  If not I guess it is their loss and I will just have to accept that not all people are as loyal of friends as you might think. 

Fear: I am not strong enough!  I am frightened to death every single time I think of racing anywhere.  What if people see me fail because I really can’t do it?  This also partly has to do with my body image.  I don’t like my legs at all and haven’t for a long time.  Last summer I wore shorts more times that I ever had before!!  I was running, it made me feel “better” about them…buuuuuuuuuuut…they aren’t these defined, super awesome runner legs…at least yet!  I hope they will be someday but I still have work to do.  I need to be OK with that!!  I didn’t run for 13 years!!  In that 13 years, I had three kids, ate whatever I wanted and made no attempt whatsoever to take care of myself.  Fixing this will take time!!  I will tone up more, but it is not instantaneous.  I need to be ok with that and I am going to make sure I know that regardless of how strong I look, I can run mile after mile!  My body IS strong enough to do that!!!!  And it is only getting stronger from here!!!

Fear: People won’t approve of me if they know I used to smoke!!  Big one here, I even tried to hide it when I smoked!  But I did and I am not proud of it.  I smoked!  I can’t deny it.  I wish I could.  I am not proud of it and I wish I never had done it.  But it doesn’t make me a bad person.  I quit and can now show people that it can be done!  You can quit smoking!  It isn’t easy but you can do it!  I quit smoking May 2, 2014.  On May 24th I ran my first 5k.  Since then I have run 2 half marathons, numerous 5k’s and 10k’s!  I am now training to run a marathon!!!!  I stopped smoking LESS THAN A YEAR AGO!!!!  If people want to judge me for that…then shame on them!  And shame on me for even worrying about it to begin with! 
So what is the point of all this fear stuff????  I am out to battle the demons!  I am going to rock out 2015 and do it with NO FEARS!!!!  And I mean NONE!!!

What is YOUR biggest fitness fear?

12 thoughts on “Four Fears on Friday!!!!

  1. Thank you! And I want to inspire others…that's why I had to put this post out there. Open it up so I can talk about it more actively!
    It does give me the jealously twinge when I hear paces like that too! Its like, how do I make my legs go that fast???? lol! We have some really great runners to respect out here and I love love love that!


  2. Admitting to fear is the first step to conquering it! I actually think people who have quit smoking deserve major props. It's a hard addiction to break and look how healthy you are now!!

    My biggest fitness fear is getting injured and having to give up running for life.


  3. I really appreciate the honesty here. I used to be a smoker too, and people get really weird about it, especially runners sometimes. It's so frustrating, because, hello, USED to be, but people still get all weird and judgy.


  4. Love this post! The top 3 out of 4 could have came straight from my brain. And re: smoking, if people don't approve of something you used to do, they need to get over themselves! It shows more strength than anything else for the fact that you QUIT! That's amazing. 🙂


  5. You should not be ashamed of smoking at all. Your story is incredible! Not only did you quit smoking but you've accomplished so much since then that you couldn't have done when you were a smoker. That's a story that should be shared as often as possible to inspire others!

    I share your first three fears. Oddly enough I think most runners do. I say “oddly” because I think runners are some of the strongest people mentally and physically, but i guess like all athletes and people in general we get stuck comparing ourselves to others. That's why the blog community can be a blessing and a curse. I love all of the support and friendships but when people write, “I was so slow today, only ran at 6:30 pace” I'm like O_O.


  6. This is a great post.

    For me it comes down to appreciating the blessings rather than focusing on the challenges. I'm not fast enough…there are runners out there battling injury that would kill to run my slow pace. And that can be looked at in every respect. Huge cudos to stopping smoking, my wife has done it twice abd I've seen how incredibly hard it can be. In my opinion if you have overcome that, you can accomplish ANYTHING. Keep up the great work and thank you do much for such an honest post.


  7. I appreciate your honesty! I have heard those voices for years – if you don't run this pace you're not a runner – if you don't run this distance you're not a runner. All lies. Being a runner is not defined by your pace or the distance that you run. It is defined as getting out there and putting one foot in front of the other. Yes there will be days when you rock it but other days it will be all that you can do to finish. Running started out as a way for me to lose weight after having my 2nd child but somewhere along the way it changed into a passion of mine. A place to get away and clear my thoughts. I may not have a marathoner's body with long lean legs but I have strong legs and these legs have carried me across the finish line from a 5k to a marathon. Keep doing what you're doing!


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