Evicting Myself

I have been thinking about racing A LOT lately!  I think it is due to not running a ton since October and not racing at all since then either! So I wanted to talk about something I have been thinking a lot about!  Pre race jitters!  Now, I am not talking night before can’t sleep stuff.  I am straight up talking about self doubt, sizing up, can’t believe you are out here with all these great runners that are about your hand you your ass kind of jitters!  I have them, every time I race.  Even if I know deep down I can place in my AG, I have them.

How a person looks or dresses shouldn’t have an effect on how fast I think they are!!  I should not worry about whether or not I think they can beat me but, I do!  I want to be faster, I want to place, I want to be confident at the start of every race!!!!<—that last sentence rhymed accidentally!  Go me!!
For example, I had these feelings at a race (5k) over the summer I ran with D.  We got there plenty early, picked up our bibs, t-shirts and made a bathroom stop.  We then headed out to warm up.  We ran about a mile or so then stopped to stretch.  While stretching a car pulled up and two people got out.  One male, and one female.  Not that odd right? 
My thoughts went like this:
“Oh no….look at her….she is a serious runner…..crap…she is probably in my AG too….shit….what now…look at him…he looks like he is going to kick ass….but her….she is going to beat me….BAD….oh man….this is not good…..why….why”
Then I looked at D and told him.  He said “so”….and the thoughts continued.
“….so?….so?….really kid….so is not an option….she is going to beat me!…..doesn’t he realize this….ugh…oh crap almost go time….here is to her kicking my ass…..”
We finished the race, it was small so they were taking sticks with your place on it then writing it down on a big poster board to show who got AG placings.  I am always nosey at small races and look…don’t you?  I was first in my AG….then D said “hey mom…there’s that lady you thought would beat you.”  She wasn’t even finished yet.  Hmmmm….did I learn anything from this?  NOPE!  Not at all!  I judged her off of appearance and beat her, but still keep doing the same thing over and over!!!
Why am I bringing all this up now?  Well, I am running a 10k this weekend and I want to win my AG!  I want to place!!  But, most importantly, I don’t want to feel fear at the starting line!!  I don’t want to worry about someone else’s race.  Just mine!  Trusting my training and evict those negative thoughts! 

These other people…they won’t be there tomorrow or the next day.  They are not going to make or break my race or abilities.  I run for fitness, I run for pleasure, I run for strength and I RUN FOR ME!!!!

~Rant over~

Do you ever think like this?

What do think about at the starting line?

Any good tips to distract myself from this?


5 thoughts on “Evicting Myself

  1. OMGracious! I can't believe someone said that to you! Shame on her for being ignorant!!! I have been beat by a women in a dress…not a costume but a Mennonite or Amish women…she was straight up in her dress and handed me my ass!! It sucked! (I did feel better when I found out she was in another AG)!! You simply can't judge us runners!!(why can't I take my own words into action? ugh!) We are all shapes and sizes, young and old!!!


  2. I think a good ass kicking is sometimes what we need to dig a little deeper!! I love being competitive just hate doubting myself! You are right, if I train hard I should be able to trust it and be less doubtful!


  3. Go go go! I hope you have an awesome 10K and kick butt! You can totally do this!

    I know what you mean though, about assuming things about other runners based on appearance. I've been on the opposite end, where a woman asked what my goal was at my last 5K and when I told her she said “Okay great, I'm not a runner at all, so that will be my goal too.”

    Some specific words crossed my mind when she said that, which I will not write down here LOL, but suffice to say after my cross the starting line I didn't see her again.

    I may not look like a runner and I may not be as fast as other people, but I promise I can beat someone who never runs! haha


  4. This is exactly how I thought at my trail race couple months ago. I had strong feelings that I needed to place, once I got there I right away saw that there were some serious runners out there. Got my ass kicked lol. In the end I realized I needed to train harder to get on that level. To gain that confidence when I toe the line. I'm sure the guy who won the race didn't have the same doubt I had because he knew he was at the level to compete for the win. Use all that to drive your training and get rid of the doubt.


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